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Couples cite top reasons for divorce

When people in North Carolina get a divorce, it may be for one of three main reasons. According to some experts, growing apart, being unable to make up after fighting, and a psychological phenomenon known as “flooding” can all contribute to divorce.

One study found growing apart to be the number one reason cited by couples as leading to divorce. While this can be difficult to define, it basically refers to one or both people no longer being invested in preserving the relationship. These marriages do not necessarily end because one person has done anything wrong but simply because the people no longer wish to be married to one another. “Repair” is a word in the relationship world that refers to a couple’s ability to come back together after a disagreement. Some therapists and researchers say that this ability is more important in a marriage’s longevity than what the couple are actually fighting about.

Flooding happens when a highly charged emotional situation leads to a physical reaction. This is a similar reaction to the one a person would have if being physically threatened. For some couples, disagreements consistently provoke this kind of reaction, and this can lead to the marriage’s demise.

Couples who have grown apart but who generally do not blame one another for the divorce may have a less difficult time negotiating a divorce agreement than those who have been unable to repair after arguments or who instigate emotional flooding. Even in those cases, it might be possible to work out an agreement for property division and child custody. Mediation may help couples resolve their differences in a less adversarial atmosphere than a courtroom. However, if litigation is necessary, a judge will attempt to divide property fairly and to set a child custody schedule that is in the best interest of the child.