Couples preparing for divorce are usually at a low point in their relationships. They have either grown apart or gone through challenges that have caused irreversible harm to the marital relationship. Sometimes, spouses desire the catharsis that comes from litigation.
They may fantasize about the courts giving them justice over the perceived wrongdoing that occurred within the marriage. However, the purpose of divorce proceedings is not to vindicate one spouse or lay blame on the other. Typically, the main priority during divorce is simply to address the shared legal responsibilities the spouses have.
The courts divide property and financial responsibility for debts. They allocate parental rights and responsibilities. Litigation rarely gives people the sense of justice they so desire. For many couples, mediating and filing an uncontested divorce is the better option.
Why do so many couples agree to attend mediation to settle their disagreements related to divorce?
A desire for privacy
What happens within a marriage is inherently private, but people must make certain details public during divorce litigation. They may have to talk about the money wasted on alcohol abuse or an extramarital affair. They may need to discuss concerns about the safety of their children in ways that could damage the other spouse’s reputation.
Some couples choose to attend mediation specifically because they need to discuss private matters and wish to do so in a confidential environment. People can discuss the way that different types of misconduct and personal challenges could influence the divorce in private if they mediate rather than litigate.
The need to set specific terms
A desire for control over the outcome can be a strong motivator to attend mediation. While judges do have to conform to state law, they have quite a bit of discretion as they interpret marital circumstances and family law statutes.
Many couples end up dissatisfied with how judges handle their property, financial obligations and parental responsibilities. Whether one spouse wants to protect their professional practice from division or believes specific custody arrangements are necessary for a child with special needs, the control that comes from reaching a settlement in mediation can be a very valuable benefit.
Concerns about co-parenting in the future
Mediation is particularly popular among those who have children together. The adversarial approach to litigated divorce that couples often employ can do permanent damage to a co-parenting relationship. Worse, the disputes they have with one another in the way they talk to or about each other can be damaging for their shared children. Couples who work cooperatively in mediation can practice healthy communication styles and conflict resolution strategies. They can avoid confrontational attitudes that may make co-parenting even more difficult for them in the future.
There are many other benefits potentially derived from mediating a divorce, including keeping costs lower by limiting the time spent in family court. Proposing divorce mediation can be a smart strategy for those worried about their children and/or property division matters.